I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
