oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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