My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
