Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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