I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
