Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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