A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
