Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
