I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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