That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
