I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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