note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
