I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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