oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
