hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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