so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
