I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
