Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
