Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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