Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
