The maid of honor just puked.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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