Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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