you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
