Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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