Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
