we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
