Hey man sorry I got all grabby
oh god the rape fog is back!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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