I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
