hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
