Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
