"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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