woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
