my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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