She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
