WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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