everyone is single if you try hard enough
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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