he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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