wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
