Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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