we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
