I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
