sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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