I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
