Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
