i just had sex bonerless
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
