She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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