So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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