I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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