thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
