You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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