he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
