and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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