hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
