If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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