o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ttyl tear gas
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize