well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Who did Billy Mays play for?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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