he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
