I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
