whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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