I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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