i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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