I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
