okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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