Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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