i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize