My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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