I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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