when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
