I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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