I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
