so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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