pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
