my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
