I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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