I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
