how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
