im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
